Posted on September 4, 2024

Elkhart Man Buys Billboard to Argue with Ex

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Elkhart, IN — After winning $500,000 on a scratch-off ticket, an Elkhart man wasted no time putting the money to use… by renting out a billboard on County Road 6 to publicly argue with his ex-girlfriend, Heather.

The billboard, which initially featured a photo of a disappointed-looking golden retriever and the bold words “I WAS RIGHT, HEATHER,” caused confusion and rubbernecking as drivers slowed to decode what they were looking at.

“I thought it was for a dog adoption thing at first,” said one local driver. “Then I saw the fine print. It said, ‘You never appreciated my Pokémon card collection either.’ I almost swerved into the turn lane.”

It didn’t stop there. According to nearby business owners, the billboard has already been updated three times. The second version read:

“YOU LIED ABOUT THE TOASTER.”

The third:

“I TOOK THE CAT BECAUSE HE LIKED ME MORE.”

The man, who wishes to remain anonymous but admitted to having "no regrets and even fewer filters," told reporters, “I could’ve invested or paid off my house, sure. But this is funnier. And healing. But mostly funnier.”

He added that he’d originally planned to buy a boat and name it Closure, but this was “way more public and way less floaty.”

Heather declined to comment directly, but did post a vague status to Facebook within hours of the billboard’s debut:

“Imagine being so obsessed you rent a billboard. 🤡”

That post has since received 137 likes, 23 laughing reactions, and a comment thread that devolved into a debate about toaster ownership and mutual pet custody.

Not to be outdone, a second billboard just a mile down the road appeared the next morning. This one read:

“OH NOW I’M A CLOWN? YOU DATED ME FOR THREE YEARS.”

Beneath it, another line in smaller font added, “Ask your mom what she thinks. She texted me last night.”

The billboard war has drawn attention from across the county. Passersby have started taking selfies with the signs, and a local coffee shop is reportedly offering a “Heather Roast” — a dark blend that comes with a tiny fortune cookie reading, “You were right, but this is excessive.”

According to the ad company responsible for the digital displays, the man paid for a full two months in advance and requested “billboard access like it’s a group chat with God.” Their rep confirmed he calls them daily with “updates to the narrative.”

“He treats the sign like a diary,” said one tech who updates the display. “Yesterday’s request was, ‘Can we add a crying Pikachu in the corner and make the text say, You took my joy and my Charizard?’ I said no. But he tipped me ten bucks.”

When pressed further, the man clarified that he and Heather dated for three years, broke up “mutually but with hostility,” and that the final straw was “a comment about my Magic: The Gathering shelf looking like a cursed apothecary.”

“She didn’t get me,” he said. “I’m not for everyone. But I’m for revenge. And high-visibility advertising.”

Local reaction has been mixed.

Some residents are calling it “iconic.”

“I mean, people throw shade in group chats. He threw shade on a four-lane highway,” said 22-year-old Olivia Marks. “That’s the kind of pettiness I aspire to.”

Others, like traffic cop Tom Raines, are less amused. “We’ve had three minor fender benders since the second billboard. People are braking to read. It’s getting personal out there.”

A few residents have tried to cash in. A nearby print shop is now offering bumper stickers that say “#TeamToaster” and “#HeatherDeservedIt?” A local radio station even held a morning poll asking listeners to vote on which party “won round three.”

As of press time, a third billboard has now gone live near the intersection of CR 6 and County Road 13. It reads:

“YOU NEVER ACTUALLY LIKED CATS, YOU JUST SAID THAT TO SEEM DEEP.”

Followed by a digital animation of a cartoon toaster slowly ejecting a flaming Pop-Tart.

Sources close to the situation (meaning Facebook comments and one guy who claimed to be Heather’s cousin) say she is considering renting her own billboard — possibly on the same stretch of highway — to “clear the air and defend her honor.”

When asked if he’s prepared for that, the man grinned and said, “Already have a draft ready. It says: Nice try, Heather 2: Billboard Boogaloo. I’ve got layers.”

Legal experts say that while the messaging may be petty, it’s not unlawful unless it becomes defamatory, incites violence, or reveals personal identifying information — all of which the billboard company says they’re monitoring closely.

For now, Elkhart drivers are simply along for the ride.

“This is the most interesting thing to happen around here since that guy tried to convert a riding mower into a Tinder date vehicle,” said longtime resident Harold Benton. “And at least this one doesn’t require bail money… yet.”

As the sun sets over northern Indiana and commuters pass yet another glowing billboard featuring a grumpy cat in a judge’s robe with the text “The Honorable Sir Paws-A-Lot Agrees With Me,” one thing’s for certain:

Love is fleeting. But digital ad space is forever.