Posted on May 5, 2025

Avilla, IN Man Will Wash Your Car Shirtless For Pizza

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Avilla, IN — In a headline that surprised absolutely no one who knows him, local man Randy “Suds” Calhoun has become a minor legend in Noble County after launching what he calls a “one-man detail operation fueled entirely by marinara and desperation.”

Set up just outside a local pizza shop, Randy spends most afternoons shirtless, armed with two sponges and an unsettling amount of energy, offering car washes in exchange for hot slices. His pitch? Simple and loud: “You bring the cheese, I bring the clean!”

“I pulled in for a calzone and left with a cleaner car and mild emotional damage,” said a customer named Jane. “He complimented my ride like it was prom night and called the rims ‘dazzling portals of destiny.’ While he was scrubbing the windshield, he suds himself up and started belting out ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’ like he was headlining a car wash musical. I gave him two slices. He earned them.”

Randy’s approach to business is as unconventional as it is effective. There’s no fixed price, no appointment system, and no shirt in sight. Just hand over a pizza slice—any style will do—and Randy will scrub, wax, and possibly serenade your vehicle using a combination of elbow grease and what he calls “deep crust energy.”

“I’m not in this for the money,” he said, gripping a sponge like it owes him money. “I’m in it for the dough. And by dough, I mean literal pizza crust. Thin, hand-tossed, deep dish—I don’t discriminate.”

The idea started a few weeks ago, shortly after Randy parted ways with a local car wash. According to Randy, he and management disagreed over what he called “the spiritual importance of pre-soak.” Out of work and fiercely loyal to pepperoni, he did what he does best—got loud and got sudsy.

“I woke up that morning with two things: hunger and hope,” he said. “And when you combine hunger and hope, what do you get? Hustle. And heartburn.”

In the three weeks since he began, Randy has washed over 70 vehicles and eaten an estimated 90 slices of pizza, several breadsticks, and one partially melted mozzarella stick that was handed to him during a heatwave.

The pizza shop behind him has yet to officially weigh in. A man inside who claimed to “mop floors sometimes on weekends” offered a brief comment. “Look, he’s not on payroll,” the man said. “But the guy works harder for pizza than most people do for gas money.”

A handwritten sign recently appeared in the shop’s window that read, “We are not affiliated with shirtless car washes. But we are flattered.”

Randy’s setup is modest. He uses a single plastic bucket, two mismatched sponges, and a towel that may have once been a curtain. But what he lacks in equipment, he makes up for in flair. He narrates every wash like it’s an action movie trailer. “Now entering Phase Two: Sudstorm,” he announced during one particularly energetic wash. “This is where the magic happens and the dirt regrets its choices.”

His signature move—the Calhoun Slam Buff—involves squatting, spinning, and chest-buffing a hood while yelling “Let it shine!” According to witnesses, no one asks for this, but everyone ends up clapping.

Social media has taken notice. Local teens have posted dozens of videos of Randy’s performances on TikTok, tagging them #CrustForClean and #SudsAndSauce. One clip, showing him scrubbing a windshield to the rhythm of Eye of the Tiger, has over 22,000 views.

Police say Randy isn’t breaking any laws, though Officer Don Felder confirmed they’ve received “a few calls of concern.”

“People mostly want to know if this is legal,” said Officer Felder. “And technically, it is. We just recommend not making prolonged eye contact while he’s waxing your bumper.”

There was one minor incident when Randy tried to re-enact the car wash scene from a music video using a garden hose and someone’s Kia Soul. The car’s owner was startled but said the interior “smelled amazing afterward.”

Not all customers are prepared for the full Randy experience. One woman reportedly screamed when he emerged from behind a parked SUV holding a squeegee and yelling, “Who’s ready for transformation?”

But others have embraced it. Jane returned a second time, this time with a full pepperoni pizza and a folding chair. “It’s performance art,” she said. “My car got clean and I got a story. I mean, where else can you watch a man quote Braveheart while waxing your side mirrors?”

Randy says his dream is to expand into a franchise model he calls “Calhoun and Crust,” but for now he’s focused on refining the brand. He’s introduced themed days like Meat Lovers Monday and Toppings and Tire Shine Thursday. He’s also experimenting with custom air fresheners that smell like garlic knots.

He remains fully committed to the barter model. “No Venmo, no cash,” he said. “Just sauce. You pay me in pizza, and I pay your car in redemption.”

Not everyone is convinced. A local man, who declined to give his name but was observed inspecting his newly polished Dodge Ram, muttered, “I don’t trust a man who washes cars while quoting Nicolas Cage. But he did get the bird poop off.”

Despite the occasional doubter, Randy’s momentum continues. He claims to have cleaned cars belonging to local teachers, a guy who says he once met Vanilla Ice, and a woman who tipped him with a single breadstick and a coupon for half off cheesy bread.

Back in the lot, Randy was last seen standing on a milk crate, shirt still missing, yelling at a passing sedan, “Let me change your life with carbs and foam!” He then resumed wiping down the hood of a minivan while singing Sweet Caroline into a pizza box.

“I’m not the hero Avilla wanted,” he said, pausing to wring out a sponge. “But I’m the one they got. One pie at a time.”