Posted on May 3, 2025

Indiana Bans Weed Ads... Even for States Where It's Legal

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Indianapolis, IN — In a stunning display of legislative priorities, Indiana has officially banned all marijuana advertising within the state, including digital content, billboards, and anything that might vaguely resemble an attempt to tell Hoosiers that cannabis exists. Because if there's one thing Indiana won't stand for, it's citizens being exposed to information about a plant that's legal 15 minutes away but somehow still satanic at state lines.

The law slaps a $5,000 civil fine on anyone who dares to let marijuana-related content reach Indiana residents. Second offense? That'll be $15,000 and a lifetime supply of confused looks from neighboring states. It's like they saw the Constitution, shrugged, and said, "That looks optional."

This legislative gem was tucked inside a motor vehicle bill, presumably because sneaking laws in under unrelated topics is Indiana's version of a magic trick. One second you're reading about road maintenance, and poof — now weed is Voldemort.

According to state officials, the law is about protecting public health and keeping cannabis out of the hands of children. Because nothing safeguards kids like allowing them to see five alcohol ads before breakfast and a dozen sportsbook promos before dinner.

"We're sending a message," one lawmaker said. Apparently, the message is: logic has left the building.

You can bet your rent on sports apps. You can order tequila by drone. But heaven forbid anyone hear about a dispensary in a state where it's been legal longer than Indiana's had working turn signals.

Legal experts are calling the law a flaming bag of unconstitutional nonsense. It targets out-of-state businesses, restricts digital speech, and assumes Indiana has jurisdiction over the internet, which is adorable.

One constitutional lawyer described it as, "If 1996 and a morality panic had a baby and tried to raise it on AOL."

Critics argue that this isn't about public health at all. It's about moral posturing and political optics, wrapped in a thick fog of confusion and outdated fears. If Indiana lawmakers could bottle paranoia and label it as policy, this would be it.

And enforcement? That’s the real circus. Are they going to hire a team of Wi-Fi detectives to scour the Midwest for rogue weed emojis? Will the National Guard be deployed if someone accidentally tweets about CBD?

Residents are already mocking the law with bootleg bumper stickers like, "Come to Indiana: Where Knowledge Is Dangerous" and "Illegal: Talking About Weed, Legal: Blowing Your Paycheck on Slot Apps."

The Streisand Effect is now in full swing. By trying to shut down marijuana awareness, Indiana lawmakers have guaranteed that more people are now talking about Michigan dispensaries than ever before. It's the political equivalent of yelling "Don’t look over here!" while setting off fireworks in the same spot.

Some Hoosiers are wondering what's next. Will the state criminalize thinking about marijuana? Will they start fining people who walk past a dispensary and sneeze?

One resident asked, "If I wear a shirt that says ‘Kush Happens’ while mowing my lawn, do I owe the state five grand?"

Another joked, "I'm putting an ad on Craigslist: 'Will talk about weed for food.'"

Even the enforcement agencies seem unsure. As of now, no one has been fined, possibly because the people who wrote the law haven’t figured out how to use TikTok without locking themselves out of their phones.

Some believe the law is a setup to silence voices and chill any conversation about cannabis. Others think it's just Indiana flexing its last few ounces of control before federal legalization makes this whole charade look even sillier than it already does.

Either way, the result is the same: Michigan dispensaries just got a free statewide marketing campaign, courtesy of Indiana's moral panic.

As one observer put it, "Nothing sells better than something banned for no reason."

In a state where potholes go unfilled, schools are underfunded, and broadband speeds haven’t changed since dial-up, lawmakers have decided the real crisis is someone finding out they can legally buy weed in Niles.

If you're a resident trying to keep up, here's the current scoreboard:

Legal: Beer ads, crypto scams, and gambling away your mortgage.Illegal: Informing someone that cannabis exists.

At this point, it would be less embarrassing for Indiana to just build a wall along the Michigan border with a big sign that says, "Abandon logic, all ye who enter."

So congratulations, Indiana. You've banned the internet from being the internet, silenced commerce you don't control, and turned a harmless product into forbidden fruit.

And in doing so, you reminded everyone just how high you have to be to think this law makes any sense.